Feb
22
Why Me! Dealing with Afflictions
February 22, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Why Me! Dealing With Afflictions
This is a talk I gave in church today.
Within this church a wonderful plan has been set up to allow individuals a chance to grow and become better. The plan I talk about is that of a volunteer army. Every position or need is filled with individuals who have been called to fill that position. Whether it is a one-time assignment, such as giving a talk in Sacrament, or a long-term position, such as being the Bishop (leader of the Congregation) these placements are prayed about in order for the proper person to be asked to fulfill them. With that said, I’ll take you back to the evening of February 3rd. I received a call from a bishopric member stating that he had a favor to ask of me. He then asked if I could speak in Sacrament on a certain date. I paused for just a few seconds and then responded with a simple, “Sure, I’m dealing with some health issues that might change whether I’m able to but… No, actually I will do it and if for some reason I won’t be available I’ll will give you fair warning so that you can find someone else.” He then proceeded to give me the subject that I would be asked to talk on, which was “Why Me! Dealing with Afflictions.” Seeing such irony in this, I gave him a shocking statement in return. “That’s very appropriate at this time Brother Stidham, this afternoon I was informed that I have cancer.” Not a sound could be heard on the other end of the line. I apologized for my direct approach and then assured him that I really am fine and not to worry.
At this point only two members of my family knew what news I had been given earlier that day, and as I sat there in my car waiting to pick up my youngest son I looked heavenward and thanked my Father in Heaven for this added gift. I had just been told through another that my Heavenly Father is watching over me and knows my afflictions. With this simple realization I outwardly thanked Him and those were the first tears I had shed in this new journey.
Since then, now nearly three weeks have passed and I have not shed one tear over the fact that I have cancer. There have been, however, many times my cheeks have been dampened with tears of gratitude as I recognize yet another gift from the heavens in this journey.
So, here I stand before you with an assignment to talk to you on “Dealing with Afflictions.”
To have the tools or skills to handle all that comes a person’s way is really a gift in itself, but first I want to talk to you on the “Why Me!” I have one quick statement to help you deal with your “Why Me’s” if you will only but grab onto the reins I’m about to give you. Here it is in a nutshell. “Do not feel sorry for yourself.” Yes, believe it or not, it is that simple. No matter the pain, agony or torment a trial will throw in your direction make a decision that you will not give in to self-pity. Self-pity folds one’s shoulders inward toward defeat, instead of giving them a straight and strong stance for the fight. After all, many of our trials are really a fight to get through and your armor must be set, and your abilities strong. So chose simple trials for now that you will work this new attitude out with and when the larger war comes your way you will be postured to win rather then set for defeat.
This is but your first skill to master in Dealing with Afflictions. What it really comes down to is your ability to control your attitude. I learned early on in my life the woes that come from hiding my trials from others. Due to circumstances not of my doing I was afflicted with a brain virus at a very young age. This same virus had ravaged the lower mainland in British Columbia and had taken many lives including that of my Great Uncle. I was one of the lucky ones, or so they would say, who survived.
For a while afterwards I would have to take these small little green pills to stop me from having hallucinations. So much shame comes into the mind of a young child who feared every day that others might know her secret. This dark skeleton in her closet stayed hidden for years in fear of others finding it and passing judgment that she wasn’t as smart as the next guy.
To add to this challenge, I had eye surgery a few years earlier to correct my crossed eye. To look at me you would think that the doctors did a pretty good job but that it wasn’t perfect. My one eye is slightly higher then the other. Not a problem, you say? Well, because of this slight alignment problem my muscles are slower to respond to the lateral movement and thus I read at half the speed of an adult. So, with these two challenges as a child my self-esteem, as well as schooling, suffered. It wasn’t until I traveled out of my teen years that I discovered the gifts that were given to me within these battles.
First off, if it wasn’t for the deep fear I had within myself of hallucinations brought on from those earlier years I may not have made the same decisions in my teen years to stay away from hard drugs when all of my friends around me were heavily involved. I now look at this particular childhood affliction as a gift from God that saved me from myself later on. And now as an adult I can say how grateful I am to have passed through those refining fires because of what I am about to tell you I have learned.
It is not so important as to what your trial has been or how long the journey was, but rather, what you have chosen to do with it. Do I keep my trials hidden anymore? No, I do not, and for the simple reason of helping to reach others who may be taking that self same journey behind me. If I have been there my words may lift another in their struggles because, quite simply, I understand. We are not given our trials in life to only benefit ourselves. I’ve had many opportunities to inspire, comfort, and strengthen others dealing with death, learning disabilities, emotional, mental, and physical trials and finally spiritual weaknesses.
In preparing for this talk I turned to the scriptures to see the lesson the Lord would have us learn on this matter. In doing so I read a passage from the Old Testament in the Book of Malachi. In chapter three verse three it states, “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.” Regarding this passage I found a story that told of a women who had read the same passage and ventured out to understand it more in depth.
This is her story:
The woman called up a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn’t mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot–then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver. She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver were left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, “How do you know when the silver is fully refined?” He smiled at her and answered, “Oh, that’s easy–when I see my image in it.” How profound this story is in teaching us the purpose of our refiner’s fire. We are given opportunities to become better human beings through our trials. To believe that our afflictions are punishments from God simply is missing the great purpose of why we are here. God loves us and wants us to grow. He will not give us anything more then our shoulders can bear. Some other statements I found through the scriptures simply stated “All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good,” “Many are softened because of their afflictions,” “Thine afflictions shall be but a small moment,” and finally “In their afflictions they will seek me.”
I know that having cancer won’t be an easy road to journey, but I also know that I am not walking this path alone. There are many who have already been where I am going and have extended an outreached hand to pull me through. I will gratefully allow them to do so because of the final lesson I’ve learned in my life experiences. A positive attitude is an extremely important tool, but to think that you can do it all on your own is simply not a perfect plan.
The final lesson is “It takes a humble heart to let others serve you.” After all, our trials are not for us alone. This, for some, would be the most difficult lesson to learn. But truly, “To have His image in our countenance” should be our ultimate goal and cannot be attained without going through our Refiner’s Fire, hand in hand, with those who want to walk alongside us on our journey. My strength comes from the Heavens, but it also comes from you, my friends and family. I am moving forward and I’m welcoming you along.