Aug
20
The Chemo Ride
August 20, 2009 | Leave a Comment
The Chemo Ride
In this game we call “Life” there are many choices and moves we can make. Our game piece is placed upon the game board the moment our eyes are opened, a breath is taken, and the world welcomes us. There are certain moves we will have to take and others that will remain our choice. As I look back on my many moves, I see the growth and change from a scared child with tears streaming down her face at the simple mention that a dentist appointment was being scheduled to that of an adult who faces the inevitable fight with cancer head on and with grit in her teeth.
Did this courage just happen or was it developed in time as I made my moves and took the hardships life would throw at me along the way? I do believe that as children grow through experiences they become more prepared for life with all of its challenges.
In my earlier years I would have withered at the thought of ten years of infertility and five miscarriages before eventually having a healthy baby. That, to a degree was a training ground to toughen my armor and forge the sword that I would use to help fight my battles. The flame that is needed to forge our steel may feel like a searing and damaging fire at the time, but from a higher perspective and vantage point it can be seen as a gift that makes us stronger for what is to come. It ultimately will appear very differently in design for its purpose. I learned to not fear the needle and to do what was necessary for the ultimate goal. That goal, or reward, was obvious as I held my perfect baby boy for the first time. And, that moment was also a training ground to allow me to know the great love that grows in the heart of a mother the first time she holds her child. I then could have the compassion and feel a deeper sorrow for a young 17-year-old girl who would hand over her heart and two-day-old son to our waiting arms through adoption.
Our choices are ours and ours alone. Even though we may be knocked to the side of the path when tragedy strikes, it will be up to us just how quickly we choose to brush ourselves off, get back on our feet and continue moving. I knew that chemotherapy was inevitable early on in my journey with cancer and it was back in those days after my first surgery that I made my choice just how I would roll through this obstacle.
So, here I was this early August morning putting on my armor for the next battle. This armor was in the form of a biking jersey that carried the emblem of my tribe: The Trail Angels. This group of women has been in my life for the past ten years. They have been comrades by my side through many of my battles and I truly gain strength from their spirit.
As I straddled my steed, a carbon fiber stallion, I headed off with my son by my side and four other Angels waiting to join me on my journey just a few miles down the road. We would ride a beautiful canyon loop to the oncologist’s office 27 miles away. The weather was perfect as we rode this familiar path with lots of laughter and ease to our journey – arriving with adrenaline in our veins and sweat on our brows.
What better way to go to war with cancer! I know of no other. I love the idea of approaching the undesirable with a twist of passion. I look forward to each ride I will make to receive these killer drugs within my veins. Not that I enjoy the process, but I most definitely enjoy the journey. So, after three and one half hours at the doctor’s office and five bags of drugs in my veins we got back on our bikes to complete the remainder of our 45-mile trek. The last four and a half of which I rode alone. This was by choice because I wanted to round up the number beyond 40.5 miles and I felt really good to go. As I peddled the steep and difficult climb back to my home I thought of my mother who took the very last moves alone, on her game board of life. She died Christmas morning with no one by her side and that has left sadness in my heart for the past four and a half years. I have born a bit of guilt for not being there with her those last hours upon this earth. But, as I rode and thought, the idea came to my mind that sometimes we choose to take our final move alone, and she chose to make her final move a solitary one. What a beautiful gift I received from the Heavens, as I was assured that all is well.
I am done with this leg of my journey knowing that I will have at least five more to go. The blood runs through my veins and I am alive and getting well. I am moving my mark, my way, and I am rolling forward . . . Happy to be in the game.
AGENCY
The right to choose your mark,
It sets the pace and where you’ll go.
It’s your move and time to start.
Is not how you make your move.
In this game of life called “Agency”
How and where you go – It’s up to you.
For the Game Master can see it all.
The rules are rather simple, you see.
Good or Evil / Right or wrong . . . It’s your call.
The way it’s supposed to go,
So you can benefit with happy results.
But it’s up to you to know.
It’s not his choices you have made.
You are the one to move the mark.
Only you determined how you have played.
And the Game Master will give you your prize.
Will happiness be your ultimate reward?
Or will sorrow be your demise?
The “Community Chest” is full.
The chance cards are there for the taking.
It’s your move. It’s your move . . . GO!
A.E.Gold , 2000