Warmth In a Lonely World – You Are Not Alone

I took this photograph over two months ago and have sat down on three separate occasions, with it before me, to write an article for this site.  Each time my attempt failed as a stupor of thought clouded my mind.  “Why can’t words come regarding this image?”  Then I asked myself, “For what purpose was it taken?”

The answer flooded my mind as I awoke in the early dawn this morning.  Those things I am to write about are clear as a cloudless day and so difficult to place down upon this page, yet I am unable to ignore the message in fear that someone out there is meant to receive it.   This message deals with suicide.

The word alone is ominous and scary and I, myself, have never been to that dark and clouded space.  However, this subject is one that touches the lives of almost every soul.  Even if you do not know someone personally who has left this world intentionally, surely you know of someone.  Just this past week I have had conversations with two friends who had come to the brink of executing such finality to their earth life.  Because of the sacredness of their trial (and I use this word instead of shame as the world might) I wish to show great respect for their situations, but even more so, greater admiration and AWE for the strength it took to not follow through with their plans and their shear COURAGE to continue on.  Yes, they each traveled through that great darkness and found that the clouds did eventually clear and they were able to feel warmth in this world once again.

Writing this, I continue to glance back at the photograph.  Tears stream down my face knowing that to some it will represent a symbol of loneliness and loss.  However, to others, that bench is a place where they can go to gain rest from their weary journey, to view a spectacular world from high on a hill.  It is a place where those two friends of whom I’ve spoken can go to if they so choose, for they are still here with us.   Yet, how many people have loved ones who did not make it through that darkness and will not share the warmth of the sun and another day?  My sadness is deep and great for those who are left behind to deal with such tragedy.

When clouds cover our world it can be a very cold and dark place.  I believe the message I’m compelled to share is that clouds are temporary.  They continue to move and are, to a degree, an illusion.  Although they truly exist, just as our problems do, we cannot reach up and take them down.  It is impossible to grasp one.  Behind those clouds there is also a God who we cannot reach out and grasp, but that does not make him any less real. Clouds cannot block us from his view, He sees our condition and knows our needs.  Even though we may not feel his presence at times, He is still there and will send his warmth, comfort and peace through the unexpected.  Using family, friends, or even strangers, He will send his earthly angels to place a warm embrace around us, to help hold us up or shelter us through those cold moments.

There is a certain amount of irony to this story following the previous one titled “Strength in Numbers.”  We are not expected to carry the weight of the world on our own.  It is in solitary silence that the battles are usually lost.  We are born to families, and if for some reason our families are not there, we must create extended families through our church, work, or community associations.  It is important to know that we are not alone, even in the darkest of hours when clouds may hinder our judgment.  It is vital to let others in so they can help us make it out.  And if we are on the outside looking in at another struggling in silence, we should not be afraid to reach in and be one of God’s Angels to offer a warm embrace long enough for those dark clouds to part.

In Other’s Words:

“Ah, Hope! What would life be, stripped of thy encouraging smiles, that teach us to look behind the dark clouds of today, for the golden beams that are to gild the morrow.”

~ Susanna Moodie~

Hey, There's a Mountain in My Way . . . What Do I Do Now?

Most of my life my world has been surrounded by mountains and I have always felt at home in their cool shrouded shadows.  I was born and raised in the early years of my childhood on an army base in the southwestern region of British Columbia, Canada.  This small town was surrounded by majestic peaks that seemed to loom over our township as guardians of the valley, placed there by God to cradle and keep us safe.  I have always felt safety and comfort living in the foothills at the base of mountains.  However, not all individuals would share my feelings of security by living in these guarded sanctuaries.  I remember my mother claiming that when she first moved to the valley she felt immense claustrophobia. Being from the wide-open spaces of the prairie province of Saskatchewan in Central Canada where she had lived all her life up to this point, she felt like she was being trapped and smothered in this enclosed place.  I am not certain that she ever did completely feel comfortable there as much as she did on those wide-open grasslands and rolling hills of her childhood farmland, but she never returned to live on the prairies again.  We all can gain solitude in our environments from which we were raised if they truly were sanctuaries and places of peace and safety, but sometimes more growth can be obtained when we allow ourselves to be stretched outside of our comfort zones.

With this said I would like to bring you to my current state of living.  Once again I live in the foothills at the base of a mountain and have resided here for the past twenty years.  It is my home and my place of peace.  Not only do I take joy in the visual beauty that these mountains bring to my day, but I also like the challenge of trying to climb their steep slopes and relentless uphill grades.

This past Saturday I made another attempt up the steep and painful trails to work this body back to where it used to be.  Each time I push myself to another plateau it is an excuciating process, but I find it a needed step in my healing.  I really do believe that I have to set goals that seem far-reaching to push the ceiling on my abilities in order to keep myself from lolling into a complacent existence, a place that would be very difficult to climb out of.  I know . . . I have been to that place and I am currently looking for foot holds to help in climbing out of that hole of physical inability.

It was a very perfect morning as far as temperature is concerned.  At 8:00 am we were starting out with the sun shining and five of us straddling our trusted steeds of steel and aluminum.  This was a relentless nine-mile assent and I felt every painful pedal-stroke.  Not just because my body is not used to such non-stop torture, but also because every sinew decided it was time to protest.  I also have been dealing with a nerve condition on the ball of my right foot called a Morton’s Nuroma.  It makes pedalling painful and the only relief I gain from it is to clip out and pedal using the instep of my foot or the toes.  Either way I can’t pedal standing out of the saddle and this makes the process slower.  This climb has taken me, on my best day, about one hour thirty minutes to do and on my worst day (which happened to be this particular Saturday) three excruciating hours.  Now I tell you all the challenges I dealt with to help bring light to why I am the way I am.  Self-driven is definitely part of my nature, but beyond that I am also a goal setter.  So, with this climb fresh in my mind I made a decision to not let the mountain conquer me and here on Thanksgiving Day, just five days after the above mentioned ride I attempted the same painful climb once again.  This time I was alone because the riding group I was going to go with left at 6:00 am and I had only slept a few hours by the time my 5:00 o’clock wake-up call blared in my ears.  So, instead of giving up the goal of trying to cut a few minutes off my PR (personal record) worst time I decided to allow my body to rest, then when I woke up a little more rested I would go out on my own.  If I do not get the rest needed, doing any exercise could hinder my healing process rather then help.  I do listen to the needs of my body and follow certain guidelines, which I have set, to help in this healing process.

So, how did I do today?  Not bad considering the pain in my foot was worse, the temperature was 15 degree’s hotter and flies came out mid-day to swarm around my face taunting my every breath that I might suck one in.  The pain of my body was a bit less and I was able to cut eight minutes off of my climbing time.  I would consider that a success.  A person by the name of Sydney Smith once stated that, “It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little.”  I knew my progress would not be huge yet every minute of improvement is victory in my eyes.  The simple fact that I set a goal with something unpleasant and painful is an  important step to overcoming my complacency.  I knew it would help in my efforts to become stronger and that there also was a lesson to be found in it.  We don’t only need to accept those challenges that will help us to become better, but we also need to embrace them.  It would have been easy to give-up half way through today’s climb because no one was there holding me accountable.  But, I knew what I had set out to do and that I could take it slow and steady, just one mile at a time, to do a little better then before.  Someone once stated that “It’s choice – not chance that determines your destiny.”  I believe in this very strongly.  In order to become accountable for our progress or lack of we must be willing to evaluate where we are and where we want to be.  Do not be afraid to look at your life and see it incomplete with out accomplishments.  It is only through that realization that you can start anew and move foreward.  I love the idea of the “Bucket List.”  Write down those goals you want to work towards and accomplish before your life is through (or as the old saying goes, before you “Kick the Bucket”).  The next step is to pick one goal from your list and work at it.  After all, next year you will be another year older whether or not you have done anything to better yourself.  Moliere has stated, “It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do.”  With this said, I really love having an accountabily tool that gives me a way to be responsible to myself in using those talents and gifts I’ve been given to become a better person, and hopefully influence others to do so as well.

OK, one might ask why I don’t just take it a little easier for now and just walk up these mountains?  I have taken up hiking and do this on a weekly bases but I also wish to become a stong cyclist once again, and if you want to be good at something you don’t take the easy road.  That just brings you mediocracy.  The origin of this word comes from the 16th century French word “Mediocre.”  The Latin break down literally means “Middle of the Rugged Mountain.”  Now, who wants to only do something half way, especially when it comes to climbing a mountain?  I most certainly do not!  Besides, it is on a bike that I am able to gage my fitness level more precisely and can accurately jugde my improvement, but there are good lessons to be learned from those who trek these trails as well.

To hike up a mountain a person may think that that best way to ascend it would be to trek straight up.  This may make sense to some but in reality it typically is a more difficult and longer path to follow then if a person were to climb it the way the animals would.  If you follow these “Game Trails” you will notice that the animals also create switchbacks up the steep slopes.  Even though the paths are longer in distance they make the ascent easier to climb.  Too often we think that the best way is the shortest distance between two points, however in life this is not always the case.  I have learned through my life’s experiences that planning out the journey has often prevented many pitfalls that I initially would have not seen being in the way of my destination.  So it is said with goals, “You must plan ahead if you want to arrive at the correct spot.”  The dictionary defines a goal in this manner: “A goal is a destination to your Journey.”  With that point I also want to state how important it is to write down your goals so you can go back and review your progress and be reminded just where you have decided you want to go.  I have written down my goals on many occasions and I have found through my review of those lists that I tend to break more then I make.  Not because I don’t find them important and valuable, but more because I figure that I’ll get back to them someday.  Procrastination can be a deadly trait if you need to make changes in your life.  A friend and I classed ourselves as the worlds top procrastinators because of all the unfinished projects we had sitting in our closets.  So, we decided to start the “Procrastination Association” that would meet once a week and use that time to chip away at those unfinished projects.  Well, go figure…. It never got off the ground.

With my review of past goals I have learned that it is best to set them even if they may be far reaching and seem impossible to achieve.  Not all goals will have an immediate timeline and the process of achieving them may be as important if not more important then the final destination.  For two years I had set a goal to read 100 books in each year.  The first year I read thirty-three and the second year I had read 40+.  I didn’t reach my goal of 100 books or even come close but I would consider my accomplishments a success.  Being handicapped as a reader has made it an arduous task to read a single book at times.  Because of this I would have only read a couple books each of these years.  Even though I didn’t reach my goals I bettered my abilities and accomplished more in reading then I had all my life.  That to me is success.  This next year I plan on setting this same goal of 100 books once again, because, I believe one of these years I will succeed at this task, and in the process of trying I become a little better in my reading abilities.

Now, as we evaluate where we stand in life I would hope that we find strength in those mountains that surround us.  We can choose those challenges they may bring as we make our attempts to climb to higher grounds and new horizons or we can just sit back and complain because there is a mountain in our way.  Sometimes being surrounded by mountains can feel daunting and that there is no way out.  But, if we would only see where those new horizons could take us we’d surely be doing everything in our power to map out a course that would start us on our journey.  I, personally, want to be reminded that there is more to life then what I can see.  We cannot move those mountains that may block our view of possibilities, but just maybe they have been put there to help us gain a greater perspective on just how high we can climb if we truly do believe that the vantage point from the peaks will open our lives to new horizons.